I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
