I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
