The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
