im drinking this country out of the recession.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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