Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
