It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How drunk are you?
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