I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
