i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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