you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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