I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
50% drunk capacity currently
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
