I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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