Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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