I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
