Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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