if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its not stalking. its research.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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