lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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