And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
