I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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