I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
