Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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