Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
