all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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