i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize