There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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