The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
