Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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