Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
