I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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