i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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