Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
