So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
