Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
