I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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