we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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