I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
