awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
