a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love you.
Bad choice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
