I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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