Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
