I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
