If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
