Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
