Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
