This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
