Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
