Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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