for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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