genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
