Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
