forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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