Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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