Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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