you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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