3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
