if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
PANTIES FOUND
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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