Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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