he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize