They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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