I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
