I can tuck mytits in my pants
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
