be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
