Sry I called you an 8
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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