Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
