at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
