Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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