I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
