I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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