I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
