I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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