Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
