so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
