Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
