Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
