Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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