She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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