I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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