i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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