you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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