Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
